Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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