The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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