Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
