its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
