ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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