Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
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