Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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