you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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