I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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