Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
