I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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