dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
