did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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