Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
