How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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