YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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