hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
