It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
