The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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