i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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