i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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