sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think a kid would responsible me up
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
