I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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