when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
