white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
