dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
