I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize