I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
