I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
