just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
