Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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