I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
