never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
