he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
