How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
