Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
