just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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