She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
