it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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