True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
