Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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