I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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