she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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