i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
