I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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