Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
