It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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