Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
