good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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