Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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