been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
