I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize