my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
