it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
