that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
