I hate your face
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
