Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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