Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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