Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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