I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
