Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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