just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
