unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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