I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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